Me Kanye!! I is vewwy, vewwy important!!!
The VMAs reached a new low last night when spokesperson extraordinaire for douche bags everywhere, Kanye West, interjected himself into the national picture in yet another futile attempt to remain relevant. Sporting the new fashion line by Hefty Bag, shades to keep his incandescent talent star from searing his retinas, and his killer new “crop-circle ‘do” (previously thought extinct since 1989); Mr. West surritipitously snatched the microphone from Taylor Swift who was receiving the Best Female Video award, to go along with her “Ms. Wholesome American White Girl” award prompting idiotic racists nationwide to scream, “SEE???”. Kanye was apparently incensed that Beyonce had been cheated out of her 34,000th trophy and decided that enough was enough. The best part was the look on Beyonce’s face, like a bride when her pervy, drunken uncle staggers up and grabs the mike at the wedding to make his famous limerick toast “There once was a man from Nantucket…”
In my pantheon of memorable music award moments, this outburst still rates far below Ole Dirty Bastard’s unintentionally HILARIOUS “WuTang is Fo’ the Children” outburst at the Grammy’s but shattered the scale for “Event That Made Blacks and Whites Alike Equally Want to Punch Someone in the Face.”
Kanye is quickly entering Sinead O’Conner/Lauren Hill/Mike Tyson territory where he could jump onstage at the next presidential debate, snatch the mike and scream “Gooogly Boogly. I’m an extraterrestrial! Yee-uh!! Holla.!!” and we would all just shake our heads and say, “Man, that Kanye is a damned fool. Somebody get that boy some meds.” and go the hell on with our days. Furthermore, if he keeps this up his career is going to, as Mike Tyson famously said, end up “fading into bolivian.”
Kanye “apologized” on his blog by saying the following: “I feel like Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents when he messed up everything and Robert De Niro asked him to leave.” Actually Kanye, I thought it was reminiscent of another movie where the retard messes everything up: Of Mice and Men. Only this classic’s ending is a bit more apropos, given your history: even the poor man’s best friend realizes that his dim-witted buddy just can’t be out in public with the regular people anymore…and puts a bullet in his head. I hope Kanye has a REALLY good friend named George…
